Friendship Friday Part 2: How to be a good friend
Chronic illness adds complication to the area of friendship in that it requires a level of flexibility from everyone around you.
The fact of the matter is, no matter how much you want to go to something, the body does not always pick up the message. I have RSVP'd to events and had to cancel last minute and felt so terrible about it. I've had to call and cancel, leave early, and be distant for so many important events. I feel terrible about it, but it can't be helped.
As someone who has been on both sides of the equation, I know how tough it can be to have expectations dashed and to be dressed and ready and know that you really shouldn't go. I know that when someone with a chronic illness cancels, it's not for lack of trying. It's because their body simply can't do it.
I've written on this subject before, but I wanted to narrow down a couple tips for people who are friends with anyone who has a chronic illness:
- Always invite them, even if they never come.
- Know that low energy activities are usually easier than high energy. Only your friend can tell you which activities are which.
- Don't be offended if you send them a message and they don't reply for a few days, even if you see them online. Mindlessly scrolling is so much easier than replying to messages.
- Bring activities to them. It might not work to go to a movie premiere or a theater, but it might work to Netflix and bring favorite snacks where their tools are.
- Remember their difficulties and needs when it comes to gifting. It would mean the world to someone who has Reynaud's to be gifted a rechargeable handwarmer and wool socks. It would be so amazing to be gifted favorite salty snacks as someone with POTS. A box of electrolytes is helpful for anyone. Be mindful of their needs and what they love, and you will make them feel especially loved as a friend.
- Never assume the worst. Always be flexible.
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