What to say to someone who has a chronic illness

 

I think our culture is uncomfortable with illness.

We are more comfortable when we know someone is going to get better someday and we often unintentionally avoid grieving people. I would like to change that. I've heard of people infantilizing chronically ill people, people in wheelchairs, or even people who are dying. They are still themselves. Many chronically ill people just wanted to be treated like people, worthy of love, respect, and dignity. 

Here are some of my humble suggestions:

• Instead of telling someone advice or giving tips, especially about their own illness, offer a listening ear and ask what helps them the most. Offer advice only if it is solicited, and when you do, know that they have likely heard all of the advice there is to hear. 

• Many people who are chronically ill grieve the life they used to have or would like to have now; listen to them and try to empathize with the pain and discomfort they deal with daily. Imagine having the flu + whatever symptoms they describe, and you have a good idea of what life is like every single day. Suggesting exercise or meditation to someone in that state is insensitive. 

• Know that their sense of time is somewhat warped. Do not try to make plans around your sense of time or speed; many chronically ill people need longer to get ready to go and longer to move from place to place. Leave breaks in any plans so that your friend or loved one can rest too. 

• With the benefit of social media, many people are able to connect online with other like-minded individuals. This is great! But having friends who like the same things and have similar is experiences is tricky. If you have a similar interest, such as Marvel or Star Wars, have fun discussing that! You might be the break your friend needs from thinking about illness or pain. 

• Don't be afraid to invite people with chronic illnesses anywhere. Know that they might say no every time, but feel so loved that you would invite them. And, once in a while, they might be able to come and have the best day of their entire year. 

Basically, treat a chronically ill person as an autonomous adult who has their own interests and passions with the love and respect you ought to give every person, and you should be good to go. Be kind. Listen. Be okay if plans change. Keep them involved. And you will be the best friend anyone could ask for.