A letter to the past version of me

 To the pre-POTS Jessica,

Take a deep breath. Feel how your heart rate slows down as you increase the length of your breath. Appreciate that at this moment in time, that's all it takes to slow down your heart rate. It won't always be that way.

Get into that deep backbend. Feel how flexible and strong you are and how much your body can accomplish. Realize that it won't always be so easy and that your limits will startle and sadden you in the future. You'll have a lot more pain than you realized was possible in your early 20s.

Go to bed after a long day, get some sleep, and wake up feeling completely refreshed when your alarm goes off. In the future, your alarm will go off and it will feel like you only got two hours of sleep. You'll go from a hard-core morning person to an afternoon person in a very short amount of time. 

Dance. English Country Dancing, Zumba, hip-hop, all of it. Dance with Kevin in the kitchen. In the future, you can only dance for about 2 minutes before needing to sit down. Do it while you still can.

Go on as many hikes as you can. It's completely off the table now. 

Volunteer and be part of the community. In the future, the unpredictability of your illness will prevent you from committing to anything beyond showing up. 

Dream big and take chances while you still can. It won't always be so easy to wake up and seize the day. It will take a lot more to get going with your day in the future and it will be such a painful transition. 

Enjoy being the perfect amount of body fat. I hate to say it, but you get fat. 

Enjoy the exciting life you and Kevin are building before it gets taken away. All the goals the two of you had for the future have to change so much in the future. 

Basically, make the most of your insane limits while you still can. Enjoy life. Don't complain. Be kind. 

It won't always be this way.

Jessica